Ginger Itt
I’ll Never Understand

footagenotfound:

I have a co-worker who recently returned from maternity leave, and she has already told me that “I’ll never understand until I have kids,” on 7 separate occasions. It is very aggressive. The most recent INUUIHK-bomb was dropped after she told me she was planning a family trip to Hawaii and she and the husband were going to take separate flights in case one of them crashes. I reminded her that the annual number of domestic fatalities related to air travel is approximately (exactly) zero and that our highway system is far more dangerous. In return she reminded me that I’m a childless moron who probably shouldn’t be allowed to use a microwave without adult supervision. OK fine, whatever. Since procreation grants you instant wisdom, here is a list of post-fertilization things I’m looking forward to understanding:

  • Portuguese
  • The internal combustion engine
  • Presbyterians
  • The 2001 Pontiac Aztek
  • Flo Rida
  • Also, Florida
  • Khaki pants
  • Quantum field theory
  • Arby’s
  • People who call into HSN to rave about the set of steak knives they purchased.

Coworker tried to pull that on me once.  This is how the exchange went:

“You don’t understand, you don’t have kids yet.”

“You’re lactating through your shirt.”

She actually was and it was pretty noticeable.  She didn’t try to pull that card on me again.

71 notes
3 months ago
  1. theamazingtgif reblogged this from footagenotfound
  2. mandicane reblogged this from footagenotfound
  3. crackinwise said: What a cunt. You should buy something new she doesn’t have (that’s also fairly worthless) and do the same thing back at her. “You’ll never understand until you have [thing i bought with disposable income; suck it]!”
  4. kasdev reblogged this from footagenotfound
  5. sexshooter said: this reminds me that the other day i saw not one, but TWO yellow pontiac azteks and some people must have a thing for ugly
  6. overflowingcharm reblogged this from thebitchinthehouse
  7. wakeup-maggie said: you have to be shitting me hahaha
  8. hitchcock said: It sounds like she just wanted to be on the plane by herself and leave her husband with the task of sitting in the plane with the kids.
  9. whiskeyandbacon said: I don’t think ANYONE will ever understand Florida. And by that plane logic, does that mean they should never be anywhere together? Sounds like a healthy relationship. I am a father of 4, and that lady needs to be slapped.
  10. eulist said: hahahahahaha so great
  11. charlespudding said: that pontiac aztek always scores pretty high on those “huh” lists. nvr 4gt
  12. culby said: I have an 8 year old, and I want to throttle the “You never understand” crowd.
  13. give-me-valentines said: I will never understand Arby’s.
  14. lanthorn said: “I’m pretty sure flying separately just increases your chances of being in a plane crash,” said all statistics ever.
  15. gingeritt reblogged this from footagenotfound and added:
    Coworker tried to pull...once. This is how the exchange went: “You don’t understand, you...
  16. belmore said: Flying separately is the single dumbest thing I have ever heard masked as a good parenting move. Does she realize the trauma she’ll inflict upon the surviving members of her family? They should really all go down together, like a family unit.
  17. karirose83 said: Have you ever seen this website? It pertains to what you’re dealing with! stfuparentsblog.com
  18. itsthatbitchbrittany said: if a born and raised floridian cant understand flo rida and florida, a fetus will never help.